Almost every relationship has had its fair share of tense moments. While arguing is completely normal in a relationship, it’s important for couples to know how to argue constructively.
That is — they should know how to communicate what’s causing them to feel upset.
But in the heat of the moment, most people forget that communication is key to solving their problems.
Additionally, most people haven’t been taught how to communicate effectively with their partner.
If you’re on the same boat, then this is the article for you.
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or are just starting out, the following tips on how to improve communication with your partner should help strengthen your bond.
The first thing you should do when trying to improve communication in your relationship is to understand your feelings.
What’s making you feel this and that?
Do certain actions or situations trigger you to become upset?
Once you’ve analyzed your feelings and calmed down a bit, communicate what you’ve found out to your partner.
If you start a conversation while you’re feeling angry or too emotional to communicate clearly, the exchange is more likely to get heated easily. Reaching a resolution is, therefore, more complicated for both parties.
To have a healthy romantic relationship, try not to get ahead of yourself. Try taking a quick walk around the corner or listening to music to ease your nerves before talking to your partner.
Knowing when and where to have a conversation is just as important as knowing what to communicate. If you or your partner can’t be all-in during your conversation, nothing will ever get solved. Thus, it’s important that you both set aside time to focus and talk about what’s upsetting you both.
Furthermore, your partner will appreciate it if you gave them a heads-up. Nobody likes getting ambushed with questions after a long day at work.
By letting your partner know you’d like to talk on this day and at this time, you’re giving both of you time to analyze your feelings and organize your thoughts.
You want to be as clear as possible when you’re talking to your partner. Don’t beat around the bush; otherwise, your partner might take your words the wrong way. If you want them to stop leaving the toilet seat up, be clear about it. Or if you want them to pick up more chores around the house, tell them straight and don’t just hint on it.
Being straight forward will help you avoid miscommunication and get issues solved much more quickly.
One thing that people forget when they’re in the heat of the moment is that communication is a two-way street. If you want your partner to hear you out, you should also be willing to listen to their side of the story.
Don’t just ramble on about everything that they’re doing wrong. Chances are you’re also doing things that get on their nerves, too. In a relationship, both partners should be willing to listen to each other. Furthermore, compromise and resolution should be both your goals when communicating.
It’s not about who wins or who loses — it’s about how you can both work on a solution that will make both of you happy.
Know how to de-escalate a heated argument
There are times when conversations can get out of hand — emotions are unpredictable things. And when they run high, it’s almost inevitable that someone will get hurt.
While all that is true, there are ways for you to deescalate an argument. Here are a few tips you can try:
- Try and control your own emotions
- Acknowledge how your partner feels and let them know that it’s okay that they feel that way
- Don’t try to fix the situation; instead, simply try not to add fuel to the fire
- Take a time out
- Try out couples’ massage techniques
However, if you stay respectful while you communicate, neither of you will have to deescalate an argument. So as much as possible, try to stay calm and controlled, even when the situation gets a little more difficult for both of you.
You can’t become a good communicator overnight. It takes months or even years to reach a level wherein both of you no longer have to bicker or argue just to get a message across the board. However, as long as both of you are on board on your journey to better communication, you should be able to improve your techniques in no time.
Dedicate time every day to practice better communication with your partner. You can start with the tips we mentioned above and work your way up from there.
If you feel that you would like help to improve your communication or resolve arguments that you just can’t quite seem to resolve on your own, couples counselling may also assist you and your partner with your relationship.