What is resentment in relationships?

Resentment in relationships can be described as a mixture of multi layered emotions such as  anger, bitterness, disgust, fear, disappointment, and potentially hatred. This can be experienced by one or more partners.

When a person perceives to be treated unfairly, feelings of resentment tend to be associated with it.

This is often due to feeling hurt, offended, or perceiving to be treated unfairly. Which may be due to lack of communication or unrealistic expectations by one of the partners

Initially, you feel angry that you’re not being treated fairly, your needs are not being met, or you feel ignored.

As time builds up, this causes a domino effect and turns from anger to bitterness, disappointment, hard feelings, animosity, and potentially hatred.

However, there is hope…

Your relationship doesn’t have to come to an end just because there are feelings of resentment in your relationship.

You can recognise certain signs of resentment and with the right help and support it can be resolved and empathy, intimacy, and closeness can be restored.

7 signs there is resentment in your relationship

Whether it be between family members, couples, friends, or colleague’s resentment tends to build up over time and more often than not, by the time resentment is recognised or discussed it has blown out of proportion.

The first step in addressing resentment in a relationship is recognising that it is there.

Some signs of resentment in a relationship include:

1. Feeling that your partner doesn’t listen to you
2. Fighting over the same issues over and over again
3. Looking for faults in each other
4. Starting to feel detached from your relationship
5. Avoiding talking about the real issues
6. Feeling hopeless about your relationship
7. Intimacy and affection are limited or non-existent

4 causes of resentment in relationships

To be able to acknowledge and discuss feelings of resentment is a key factor when it comes to being in a healthy relationship. Being able to forgive or move on is crucial in overcoming resentment.

However, resentment in your relationship didn’t just happen overnight, it has built up over time.

Some causes of resentment in a relationship include, but not limited to:

1. Being in a lopsided relationship, which leads to a lack of appreciation.
2. There is little compromise between the two of you.
3. Your expectations of the relationship are different.
4. There is an inability to forgive or let go of the past.

Consequences of resentment

As resentment in relationships builds up over time, it will slowly start to rust away at the core values of your relationship.

Over time it will cause you emotional and mental anguish, which will chip away at your energy levels, productivity, and positivity.

Resenting your partner can build up. It can have a significant impact on your trust, commitment and affection which can cause your relationship to grow apart and ultimately lead to a breakup.

Resentment can have significant consequences on your psychological wellbeing. By dwelling on negative feelings of resentment and the other feelings that are associated with resentment such as anger, ill will, and bitterness. This can alter your psychological mindset.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies” Nelson Mandela

The best way to deal with resentment in relationships

Ask yourself: is your partner the true reason you feel resentful or is it being triggered by something else?

Engage in professional relationship counselling to find out.

We can help you to deal with resentment in your relationship and rediscover safety, love, and connection.

Contact us today to book an appointment with a relationship counsellor near you, at a time that suits you.